Originally published on: Wednesday, 25 November 2015
You’re seething with anger, and you aren’t thinking clearly, so there you go and say something so cruel you don’t even recognise yourself…
It happens, and it is something that you have to learn to deal with – no matter what side of the argument you find yourself on.
I became very interested in this following a big argument that I had with my mother.
I won’t get into the details but following the argument, my mother then not only launched the dustpan, but she also aimed and threw her ceramic bowl, which had been half-filled with cereal, at me.
It didn’t hit me, but the point was to intimidate me.
I left shortly thereafter to go to work, but needless to say that it was a day that I don’t want to experience again.
The whole day I felt this knot in my stomach, and I had also gotten stuck on this notion of things said in anger.
Some people get aggressive when angry, not just physically but verbally too.
Swear words are quickly thrown at you, and things are said with the intent to hurt you.
What I found interesting about it, well interesting is bad word but it was something that caught my attention, was how issues from years ago suddenly reared its head.
Things that you thought had been dealt with were once again laid bare, all with the intent to cause guilt and hurt.
It just goes show that sometimes we say we’re past an issue, but sometimes that is a lie.
I never get angry, and a large part is that I am scared of what I might do or say…
I have this huge fear of getting violent, but more so of hurting someone with words – of saying something so full of vitriol and malice that you just want hurt this other person’s feelings as much as you can.
It is frightening, and people sometimes underestimate just how much damaged can be done with words.
Sure, you can argue that things said in anger are not thoughts of a sober mind, but they are things that you feel without any filtering or editing because they are purely instinctive.
Some can forgive, but if you are someone like me, you will always be aware of those things somewhere in your mind. Even if things were said in anger, they came from a place within the person where they thought or felt like that at a particular point.
However not all things said in anger can be a bad thing…
Sometimes things said in anger reveal a hidden part of ourselves that we didn’t want to deal with. By revealing that hidden part, it may lead us to processing things that we weren’t aware of.
Not all anger is a bad thing, because sometimes anger gives us courage to say the things we may be afraid to say.
Things said in anger sometimes reveal more than what we would like to. It puts us at our most vulnerable but also at our most volatile.
It reveals all the baggage that we carry with us, moments and experiences we’ve collected – all of which have left an indelible mark on us – and then depending on which person we are angry at, these moments and experiences come bubbling up. Sometimes when they do come up, we may choose to use it as a weapon.
Anger is a valid emotion, but it a dangerous one. People have committed murders in anger because they were consumed by the emotion.
You have every right to feel angry, because it is a natural human emotion that you will feel at some point, but you have to be careful of what you do with that anger. The words you say when angry may cause irreparable harm, and the physical manifestations of that anger present a greater hazard.
There is no tried and tested method to deal with anger but we all have to find our own quirks because if we don’t that very anger may just consume you from the inside out.
Theo. Over and Out.
PS – What the whole experience with my mother had also revealed to me about myself was that all I wanted to do was speak to one specific person, but it was someone who I couldn’t speak to. It proved to be an informative experience of how to do deal with a matter when you can’t speak to the person you would like to.